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Daily Archives: 9 June 2013

*** Robin Hood *** Put order in a mix-it-up script ***

Little John: You know something, Robin? You’re taking too many chances. Robin Hood: Chances? You must be joking. That just a bit of a lark, Little John. Little John: Yeah? Take a look at your hat. That’s not a candle on a cake. Robin Hood: Hello. This one almost had my name on it, didn’t it? They’re getting better, you know. You’ve got to admit it. They are getting better. Little John: The next time that sheriff’ll probably have a rope around our necks. Pretty hard to laugh hangin’ there, Rob. Robin Hood: Ha! The sheriff and his whole posse couldn’t lift you off the ground. En garde! Little John: Hey, watch it, Rob. That’s the only hat I’ve got. Robin Hood: Oh, come along. You worry too much, old boy. Little John: You know something, Robin? I was just wonderin’. Are we good guys or bad guys? You know. I mean, our robbin’ the rich to feed the poor. Robin Hood: Rob? That’s a naughty word. We never rob. We just sort of borrow a bit from those who can afford it. Little John: Borrow? Boy, are we in debt. Robin Hood: That sounds like another collection day for the poor. Eh, Johnny boy? Little John: Yeah. Sweet charity.

Prince John: Taxes! Taxes! Beautiful, lovely taxes! Sir Hiss: Sire, you have an absolute skill for encouraging contributions from the poor. Prince John: To coin a phrase, my dear counselor, rob the poor to feed the rich. Am I right? Tell me, what is the next stop, Sir Hiss? Sir Hiss: Uh, let me see. Oh! Yes. The next stop is Nottingham, sire. Prince John: Oh! The richest plum of them all. Notting… ham. Sir Hiss: A perfect fit, sire. Most becoming. You look regal, dignified, sincere, masterful, noble, chival… Prince John: Uh, don’t overdo it, Hiss. There. That, I believe, does it. This crown gives me a feeling of power! Forgive me a cruel chuckle. Power. Sir Hiss: And how well King Richard’s crown sits on your noble brow. Prince John: Doesn’t it? Uh, King Richard? Look, I’ve told you never to mention my brother’s name! Sir Hiss: A mere slip of the forked tongue, Your Majesty. We’re in this plot together, if you don’t mind my saying so. And remember, it was your idea I hypnotized him and… Prince John: I know. And sent him off on that crazy crusade. Sir Hiss: Much to the sorrow of the Queen Mother. Prince John: Yes! Mother. Mother always did like Richard best. Sir Hiss: Your Highness, please don’t do that. If you don’t mind my saying so, you see, you have a very loud thumb. Hypnotism could rid you of your psychosis so easily. Prince John: No! None of that! None of that. Sir Hiss: Well, I was only trying to help. Prince John: I wonder. Silly serpent. Sir Hiss: “Silly serpent”? Prince John: Now look here. One more hiss out of you Hiss, and you are walking to Nottingham. Sir Hiss: Snakes don’t walk. They slither.

Little John: Now what about that for luck? It’s only a circus. A peanut operation. Robin Hood: “Peanuts”? Why, you dunce. That’s the royal coach. It’s Prince John himself. Little John: The prince? Wait a minute. There’s a law against robbin’ royalty. I’ll catch you later. Robin Hood: What? And miss this chance to perform before royalty? Little John: Ah! Here we go again. Robin Hood: Oo-de-lally! Oo-de-lally! Fortune tellers! Little John: Fortunes forecast! Lucky charms! Robin Hood: Get the dope with your horoscope. Prince John: Fortune tellers! How droll. Uh, stop the coach. Sir Hiss: Sire, sire, they may be bandits. Prince John: Oh, poppycock. Female bandits? What next? Rubbish. Prince John: Um, my dear ladies, you have my permission to kiss the royal hands. Whichever you like… first. Robin Hood: Mmm! Oh! How gracious! And generous. Sir Hiss: Sire! Sire! Did you see what they…? Prince John: Stop! Stop hissing in my ear. Sir Hiss: Ah! Prince John: Hiss! Oh, you’ve hissed your last hiss. Suspicious snake. Robin Hood: Masterfully done, Your Excellency. Robin Hood: Now close your eyes and concentrate. Close your eyes. Tight shut. No peeking, sire. From the mists of time, come forth, spirits. Yoo-hoo! Little John: OK, little fireflies. Glow, babies, glow. Robin Hood: We’re waiting. Ah, oh! Look, sire. Look! Prince John: Oh! Incredible. Floating spirits. Robin Hood: Ah, oh! Naughty, naughty. You mustn’t touch, young man. Prince John: Oh, how dare you strike the royal hand. Robin Hood: Shh! Shh! You’ll break the spell. Just gaze into the crystal ball. Oo-de-lally! Oo-de-lal… Oh! A face appears. A crown is on his noble brow. Oo-de-lally! Prince John: A crown! How exciting! Robin Hood: His face is handsome, regal, majestic, loveable, a cuddly face. Prince John: Handsome, regal, oh! Majestic. Loveable. Yes, yes. Cuddly. Oh, that’s me to a T. It really is. Yes. Robin Hood: Ooh! Prince John: Now what? Robin Hood: I see, your illustrious name. Prince John: I know my name! Get on with it! Robin Hood: Your name will go down, down, down, in history, of course. Prince John: Yes! I knew it! I knew it! Do you hear that, Hiss? Oh, you… He’s in the basket.

Little John: What have we here? Solid-gold hubcaps. Oo-de-lally. The jackpot.


June 2013
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